Friday, December 10, 2010

Take a bullet straight through my brain.

Surprisingly i was awake from 9am yesterday till 6am this morning. Kept on tossing around, thinking constantly and not being able to fall asleep. Lotsa stuffs happened within this one week itself. Sometimes i'm pretty much impressed with the way i think about things. I don't know how i could relate stuffs together and combine them to build a picture. Not perfect tho, but truth is, they do make sense at times. MOST of the times in fact.

Another reason why i couldn't fall asleep.

You know when people say, the place of thoughts and decision making is when you're in the bathroom and in the bedroom. No doubt, i do lots of thinking while i'm showering and also right before i head to slumberland. I do admit i think a lot. I'm a thinker. I'm always anxious. It's not that i want to, it's not that i love working my brain out, squeezing the juice outta it, but it's just that i care. I care a lot about stuffs. I really do.

Yesterday, was a total let down. Butterflies in my tummy, i was trembling as i read the messages, i was feeling nauseated. I feel disgusted.

I was very, very upset. Worst, when you acted as if nothing happened. You may still walk out on the streets, full with dignity and pride, but deep down inside, you're far worse than a jerk. Never have i once thought that it could've happen to people around me. As in friends whom i've known for years.

I'm already having extreme trust issues but stuffs like this just make it even severe. It's hard for me to put my trust on anyone anymore because i've come to learn that even if you know your best friend for years, you still can't completely trust them. You may think it's good to not trust someone blindly, especially when you'd experienced being cheated on, but mind you, when you have trust issues, you tend to doubt. And DOUBT IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST ENEMY.

Not a good thing when you want to be able to trust someone, but something's holding you back.

I'm sorry.
May you rest in peace.

Everyone's in Singapore for ZoukOut but i'm here rotting at home! >:(

; 不想再約束不要再痛苦, 下一次會有更好的情路.

With love,

I feel you.
But you could've just
give yourself another chance.


Anonymous said...

A picture tell a thousand words. You can merge your thoughts becoming pictures. Well done! Give yourself a pat at the back :) at least you can figure it out that what's on your mind ;) but next time do it at the right time. Get some rest. Real rest! Regarding your trust issues, from what I see so far, it's your mindset of making of too many assumptions. You put too much 'pretty feelings' on them. On the right people, you can get good feelings back. Until now, I only saw sadness among your eyes. Don't put 100% trust on one. (including me, I cannot give you guarantee) Don't be soft ears. (Cross out what seems to be nonsense to you.) I know you don't like too many legs creatures. There's no need to kill it. Pity. Unstable food chain again. Let's give a minute silence for what you did.

Anonymous said...

Spider: Hello there~~:D
You: WTF
Spider: Left right left~
You: Dont come near me!
Spider: :P
You: *Take Ridsect*
Spider: Owh really? Lalala
You: Eat this sucka! *spray*
Spider: Wooot! Nooooo! *jump*
You: Eeeeek! *spray*
Spider: WhY?! T.T
You: Eh...dead?
Spider: Hello! hahaha *run*
You: WTF-OMG-BBQ *drag chair*
Spider: Me legS! T.T
YOU: HAHHAHAHAHAHA *smirk* *spray*
Spider: GG! X.X


Sophia Lai said...

Dear mister anonymous #1,

All i can say is thank you and thank you. There's nothing much i could do on my trust issues but i'll learn as i grow. Regarding the spider, i felt terribly bad but i can't imagine it crawling on me when i'm asleep. So just sprayed it with shieldtox hoping that it will only get dizzy so i could just take it outta my room but well. =/

God rest its soul.

Dear mister anonymous #2,

It's shieldtox mind you! And i did not call it sucka. And you were the laughing the most ohk! Oh wait, you're the evil one because you asked me to hit it. Pfffffft. I can't imagine me cleaning all the goo-ish fluid.

And i'm sorry because i don't know how many times i've said the word fuck and shit. =|

Liaun said...

There's a name for someone who trust people immediately ... FOOL and that, me. Don't follow my footsteps. :)

Sophia Lai said...

I'd been fooled and i'm still a fool. =|

Anonymous said...

Dear Sheep, what you said really amazed me, "hoping to get it dizzy by spraying some Shieldtox" as if it's your first time using it. =.=" You have almost 1500 friends on Facebook, impossible you only have trusted friends of your pretty fingers or toes. So forget the past. :) Don't hold on to old hurts. Everyone's been hurt (except me hiak hiak hiak), and you need to work through those issues, not hold on to them and shove them in the other person face. Of all point is not to dwell on the things that happened. Peace. ^o^

Sukhbir Cheema said...

Babe, if a person doesn't have trust issues, then that person is either way too naive or way to stupid (or just high on weed lol).

You have your reasons for having these issues, and it's nothing wrong about them. Everyone gets hurt and let down in someway or another in their life, and having doubts and being a little cautious over some people is a good thing because it just shows that you don't want to get hurt.

Some people may turn around and say it's a cowardly thing to do; not wanting to get hurt. But I think you just love yourself (and you deservedly should) and having doubts over some people and not trusting them that much is a good thing.

It teaches you not to expect from people and it also teaches you to love yourself even more.

But again, always have a limit. It's good to question, but it's also good to question, wait for it to get answered and move on to the next question.

P/S: Finally you killed the big bad spidey! Next on the hit list is the monitor lizard! :P

Sophia Lai said...

@Anonymous :

If you have friends that you can totally trust and rely on with ALL your pretty fingers and toes, i'm impressed.

Who needs a million friends when you can have only 2 whom you can totally rely on? And JSYK, i have my reasons that you totally don't need to know at all.

Reveal yourself or goodbye.

Sophia Lai said...

@Sukhbir :

You know me well. It's been a rough ride and you've been there all the the time. :)

Thank you babe.

Eh, i don't even wanna get near to that creature! Unless you want some stir fried lizardo with curry powder......what??

Anonymous said...

Do you people have a facebook fan page? I looked for one on twitter but could not discover one, I would really like to become a fan!